Sorry Not Sorry
I remember being shocked when older adults said or did things that weren’t always socially acceptable. Some of those things felt inappropriate, and I swore I would never act that way. I still don’t want to be rude, but I understand now that “inappropriate” is often subject to interpretation. When you reach a certain age, you become less concerned about other people’s opinions, and that freedom matters. I never want to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings, but I’m also learning that I can’t carry the weight of everyone’s reactions. They probably shouldn’t care so much about what I think either!
So I’ve started a list of Things I’m Finally Old Enough to Stop Apologizing For:
- Not feeling the need to wear makeup every day
- Wearing comfortable shoes
- Going to bed at 8:00 p.m.
- Saying no to things I genuinely don’t want to do
- Drinking Diet Coke
- Eating whatever I want, no matter when or where I am
- Disagreeing with someone and still caring about them
- Clarifying and defending Catholic teachings
- Admitting what I don’t know without feeling embarrassed
- Enjoying solitude without feeling lonely
- Ignoring politics when it steals my peace
- Not choosing sides in every argument
- Letting go of all the things I tell myself I “should” do
- Responding to a call from the Holy Spirit, even when I don’t understand where it will lead
- Telling people how awesome Leroy is
- Trusting my adult children and their spouses enough not to micromanage their lives
- Needing rest and taking it without guilt
- Spending an entire day reading a book and considering it time well spent.
Maybe getting older isn’t about caring less. Maybe it’s about finally understanding what deserves my care and what never did. I still want to be kind. I still want to listen, learn, and love people well. But I no longer want to abandon myself just to keep everyone else comfortable. There is a quiet grace in knowing who I am, what I believe, and what I need. I don’t apologize for taking up space, changing my mind, needing rest, loving deeply, and following God when I can’t see the whole path. I’m not sorry for any of it. I’m grateful to have lived long enough to finally say so.
